The Intimacy Trap, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, making love brings immense significance and consequences.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good also).

B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are brought in to exceptionally tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, wellness, nearness, and love .

When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, my link states that a number useful reference of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

Nevertheless, North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

Comments on “The Intimacy Trap, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin”

Leave a Reply

Gravatar